hmm i am wondering how to phrase words into words. that's quite paradoxical. maybe i should take a picture of the weather its something like what i'm going through now. grey. raining slightly. but not that it gets really thunderstormy. grey in moderation actually. basically its raining when it should be sunny, okay doesn't make sense.

sometimes i wonder if the future is shackled by the past. sometimes i dream of a runner dashing towards an open gate with a huge chasm blocking him and a cannonball chained to his feet. i shudder at the thought.

guess i'm just rambling on and on now. many a few people have asked under what conditions isit okay to lie. only to inspire hope i guess. hope that things will get better. hope the sky will turn sunny again. hope agony will end. so thats why i lie to myself. i remembered walking with the load on my back for what seemed countless hours and the same sentance kept rewinding: "its gonna end, its gonna end". i hope so.

in every life we have some trouble,
when you worry you make it double
don't worry, be happy